Transforming Your Life Through Gratitude

The first thing I usually ask during a Pure Desire Clinical Counseling session is, “What’s been going well?”

This can be a really challenging question, especially at the beginning of our work together. I work with people who are going through some of the most difficult experiences of their lives; times of pain, of shame, of loneliness, of despair.

 And I’m asking them to tell me what’s going well!

When we’re going through deep, dark valleys in our lives—when shame attacks us, when our addiction wins, when betrayal shakes the very foundation of our being—it can feel impossible to find a reason to hope, a blessing to count, a way to feel gratitude for anything in life.

And yet…

It is in those deep, dark, terrible valleys that embracing a daily rhythm of gratitude can truly transform our lives.

I'm not talking about putting on a “Happy Mask.” We’ve all done that before, and it just makes us feel more lonely and less known. Instead, I’m talking about intentionally noticing the blessings around us and claiming those blessings as ours.

I think the problem is we equate “gratitude” with “happiness” and they just are not the same. I looked up “gratitude” in a thesaurus and happiness is not listed as a simile! Listed instead are words such as appreciation, acknowledgment, and recognition.

We don’t have to be currently experiencing happiness in order to express gratitude. Gratitude is an attitude, a choice we can intentionally make.

It’s important to understand that choosing gratitude does not mean we don’t acknowledge our pain. The pain is real and has to be processed. During their Pure Desire counseling program, clients do some of the hardest work of their lives; it takes courage to do this work.

And part of this healing process is learning to recognize moments of gratitude.

We can, in fact, experience pain and gratitude at the same time and we can actually use gratitude to help us process our pain. In this way, gratitude can help us see a way out of the deep, dark, terrible valley and can help us find hope when we never thought we’d find it again.

Let’s talk about some ways to establish a daily rhythm of gratitude.

Claim Moments

Moments. They really are the fabric of our lives. Intentionally claiming moments of gratitude in the dark valley days can lead to a sense of joy and fulfillment in life. There is a direct correlation between gratitude and joy; it is very difficult to feel joy without feeling gratitude.

You see, gratitude has to come first.

Take a gratitude walk through your neighborhood. Use your senses: smell the fresh air, see the colors around you, listen to the birds singing, feel the sun shining on your face, and taste God’s goodness in it all.

Make a gratitude rock. This can be any rock from any place special to you. On the rock draw a word, a phrase, or an image that is calming to you and that reminds you of God’s goodness in your life. Carry this rock with you as a reminder to stay present and to remember God’s promise of joy.

Three moments. Every morning before you get out of bed, spend a few moments thinking back on yesterday. Name three specific things you are grateful for from that day. Be very specific. Maybe you were thankful for that close parking space at the grocery store, or that the sun was shining when the forecast called for rain, or that you met a neighbor on your gratitude walk. Avoid global things like, “I’m thankful for my family,” or “I’m thankful for my house.” While, yes, those global things are important to note, it’s the moments of life we want to focus on in this exercise. This helps us claim moments of gratitude in our daily lives, and we start looking for the moments throughout the day because we know we will be claiming them tomorrow morning.

Claim Healthy Relationships

If you’re been around Pure Desire for very long, you have heard the expression, “We are wounded in relationship. We are healed in relationship.” The power of healthy relationships is that no one needs to feel isolated in their valley, and the importance of healthy relationships cannot be understated in the recovery process. That’s the reason we stress group interaction so much. If you aren’t currently in a support group, please check out Pure Desire’s Join a Group webpage to find a group that will meet your needs, whether you are someone struggling with unwanted sexually compulsive behavior or a betrayed partner.

Healthy friendships can be a lifeline when we need it. They can help bring perspective into our lives—not in a “rainbows and unicorns” way, but in a way that can help us see a way out of our valley. They can help us see a new perspective. Seek out healthy people who can hold your story. You deserve this.

Claim God's Love

Choosing gratitude can help us recognize and refocus on God’s profound and personal love for us. Sometimes, in the dark times, it’s hard to remember how deeply personal His love for us is. As Dr. Ted Roberts says, “If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it!” 

God never desires for His children to experience the devastating pain of addiction or betrayal. That was never His plan. 

Hear this again: That was never His plan for you.

This is why it’s so important to remember God’s Personal Promises to us. 

This simple, three step Personal Promises Exercise can help you identify what God says about you.

Step 1: Think of a time when you know, without a doubt, that God was in the room with you. Perhaps it was a health issue or an accident that He pulled you through. Maybe a decision you made where you felt His presence. Maybe a financial burden was lifted. What was the incident? How did God show up for you? How did you know it was God? Write this down, and be as detailed as possible.

Step 2: What was God saying ABOUT you (not to you, but about you) in that moment? Ask Him! Write this down. Again, be as detailed as possible. 

Step 3: Find Scripture that reinforces what God was saying about you. Memorize this Scripture as your Personal Promise from God about who He designed you to be. Repeat this Scripture daily. If you’re an artistic type, perhaps create something in your chosen art form that reflects this verse. If you’re not artistic, write the verse out and post it in your workspace. 

Repeat this activity at least three times, memorizing Scripture that encourages you with God’s Personal Promise for your life. 

Gratitude helps us see that God’s mighty hand is over our circumstances, and reassures us that, no matter our valley, our God is with us. Establishing a daily rhythm of claiming and expressing gratitude can truly transform our lives, and help us feel a sense of joy again.

What better time than this season of Thanksgiving to start?

The views, opinions, and ideas expressed in this blog are those of the author alone and do not reflect an official position of Pure Desire Ministries, except where expressly stated.