Love, Sex, And My Feelings

WOMEN SHOULD TALK MORE ABOUT SEX!!

In my job with Pure Desire, I get to speak with women from all over the world. Some of the most sacred conversations I’ve had are when women feel free enough to open up about sexual struggles they can’t share with anyone else.

During the course of these conversations, my coworkers and I recognized that women are desperate to find a safe place to talk about sex. Whether they struggle with simply talking about sex or issues with porn, they want to find the answers to questions they’ve carried around for years, even decades!

This is why I’m so excited about the Pure Desire Women conference. We get to dedicate the entire conference to topics that really matter to women based on the questions we hear over and over again.

LOVE, SEX, AND MY FEELINGS

In this first session, I’ll share my personal experience with sexual trauma, rape, sexual betrayal, and my own sex and love addiction. I know how these experiences can make the idea of being vulnerable and present during sex very intimidating.

After talking with so many women, the comments I often hear are:

• I wish I had known this when I was single.
• I wish I knew this before I got married.
• I wish I had this information to share with my daughter.
• I wish I had known this before my divorce.

No matter what we wish we could change from our past, it is never too late to change our future.

I have asked myself if I would ever be able to live a sexually pure life, free of sexual compulsions. I’ve asked myself if I would ever feel sexy, safe, and vulnerable around my husband again. I’ve asked myself if I can really find my value in Christ rather than in men. I know how it feels to be stuck in some of those painful situations and how drastically it can affect my sexuality.

At the Pure Desire Women conference you will find out how connected our thoughts and feelings are to our sexuality. We will give you practical tools and biblical encouragement to begin positive changes as soon as you return home.

I want to tell you: THERE IS SO MUCH HOPE!

Many women will say that sex is their least favorite subject—it can often come with loads of pain or shame. I’m convinced, as with any difficult topic, the more we open up about our struggles, the more we realize there are so many women struggling with the same issues.

School, church, and even our parents teach us so much about finances, communication, work ethics, generosity, raising kids, and the list goes on and on. But we are lacking in the knowledge of sex! It’s one of the most intimate and vulnerable pieces of our lives and we are left to figure it out on our own or rely on the “education” we receive through social media and TV. No wonder so many women feel like something isn’t right about their sexuality or sex life.

I truly believe the more we talk about sex in a healthy way the easier it will be to live in healthy sexuality and experience the joys God intended for us.

Whether you are married, single, or divorced. We were all born sexual and learning to walk in sexual health or heal from our sexual betrayal is freeing and possible!

IDENTITY CRISIS

Our attitudes toward sex and our sexuality directly affect how we see ourselves—it shapes our identity.

In my second session, Identity Crisis, we’ll explore how our life experiences, our expectations for ourselves and others, and our perception form our identity. So many things influence our identity that it often leaves us wondering, “Am I the only one who feels crazy inside?”

I’m too black for the white kids but too white for the black kids. My hair looks like spiral macaroni and cheese, but I press it flat just to try to look like the other girls. I’ve figured out what things to post on social media in order to get the most likes. I know exactly how to pose in a picture to make my eyes look the greenest and my stomach looks the flattest—it may take me 87 tries, but I’m not a quitter. I’ve mastered the art of reading people and knowing exactly who to be in order to gain their attention.

THIS IS EXHAUSTING!  

Who enjoys living this way and WHY? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow all of this sideways energy just to gain the approval of others? Why do we not trust God when He says we are His workmanship? His masterpiece? God did not mess up when He knit us together in our mother’s womb.

As I see my daughter mimicking some of my insecure behaviors, it breaks my heart. God must feel the same way when He sees me trying to be someone else and trying to hide who He created me to be.

This world, imperfect family and friends, TV, and social media all want to tell us who we should be. God is our one true source. He alone is where we gain solid footing in who we were made to be. Until we recognize our false beliefs and some of the wounding messages we hear about ourselves, it will be hard to own our true identity.

For many of us, we didn’t have control over some of the damaging things that have happened to us which caused us to become insecure. On the other hand, maybe some of our painful experiences were self-inflicted. Either way, we can allow God to dig in there and show us the lies that need to be rewritten with His truth. He wants us to experience His grace and love to the depths of our souls.

We are imperfect people and can easily take our eyes off Jesus. He’s asking us to be bold and trust Him.

Come join me at the Pure Desire Women conference. I am so excited to tell you about what caused me to finally learn how to do my own hair at 34 years old.

Have fun with us as we learn how to have a strong identity in Christ and own who we are. We are beautiful, unique women covered in Christ’s righteousness. Let’s learn to own that!

I can’t wait to meet you and hear your stories!

The views, opinions, and ideas expressed in this blog are those of the author alone and do not reflect an official position of Pure Desire Ministries, except where expressly stated.