Building a Bridge to Intimacy

At Pure Desire, we believe in the transformative power of intentional work in marriage. Our resource Connected: Building A Bridge To Intimacy stands out as a unique tool designed to deepen the relationship between husband and wife. Written by a team of clinicians—Tyler Chinchen, Harry Flanagan, Diane Roberts, and Dr. Ted Roberts—this workbook goes beyond surface-level solutions to address the root causes of relational issues experienced by many couples who engage in the recovery and healing process.

From the beginning, you’ll notice that Connected is not your typical marriage workbook. It was intentionally designed for each spouse to have their own workbook, each going through the lessons on their own and then coming together as a couple to discuss the lesson. This is very similar to the structure found in Pure Desire groups.

Many of the questions encourage the couple to examine the behavioral patterns they learned during their childhood and identify how these patterns are impacting the marriage. Unlike other resources, Connected offers a structured journey toward understanding these patterns and provides strategies for cultivating healthier relational dynamics.

The Journey Through Connected

The process outlined in Connected involves individual reflection followed by collaborative discussions between spouses. This approach ensures that both individuals are focusing on personal growth and awareness, which helps to lay a solid foundation for mutual empathy and intimacy. The exercises within the workbook, derived from clinical practices, are designed to foster a deeper knowledge of oneself and one's spouse, in order to facilitate a stronger emotional connection.

One of the standout features of Connected is its emphasis on family of origin issues and how they influence marital dynamics. For example, when we explore how our parents resolved conflicts and the patterns we learned regarding conflict, we recognize how we brought these behaviors into our marriage. The workbook encourages couples to develop a new perspective on their relationship. This introspective approach is coupled with practical exercises, such as writing letters to one's parents, to communicate and process these influences constructively.

Embracing the Challenge

Here’s where it gets interesting. Many couples on the Connected journey   are required to confront deep-seated issues and commit to personal and relational growth. One of the goals is to intentionally push couples out of their comfort zone, promoting an environment where difficult conversations can happen and become a gateway to deeper emotional and relational intimacy. Like building a bridge, a couple may begin this process from two completely different viewpoints, from opposite sides of the shore. But over time, through their vulnerable work, they will come together and connect in the middle. 

It's important for couples to approach this work with an open mind, prepared for the challenges but focused on the transformative potential of the process.

Remember, transformation is only possible through God’s healing power. The workbook encourages couples to not only connect with each other but also with God, recognizing His divine intention for their marriage. This spiritual dimension adds a profound layer to the work, emphasizing that true intimacy encompasses emotional, physical, and spiritual connection.

Marriage, like any meaningful endeavor, requires dedication and intentional effort. Connected: Building A Bridge To Intimacy offers a comprehensive roadmap for couples who want to strengthen their relationship. By delving into the complexities of individual and shared histories, Connected paves the way for a more intimate and fulfilling partnership. 

As we step into this process, let's remember that the goal is not only to work on our marriage but to transform it into a reflection of God's design for unity and love.

This blog post is based on podcast episode 183 – Growing Your Connection in Marriage, with Trevor Winsor, Nick Stumbo, Tyler Chinchen, and Shari Chinchen. Check out the full episode here.

The views, opinions, and ideas expressed in this blog are those of the author alone and do not reflect an official position of Pure Desire Ministries, except where expressly stated.