5 Tips for Leaning into Recovery

Winston Churchill once said:

This is no time for ease and comfort. It is time to dare and endure.

I think for most, if not all, of us who struggle with the unwanted sexual behaviors, ease and comfort is what got us here. We took the easy way out. We did what was comfortable all the while saying, “Well, at least we are not hurting anyone.” Ease and comfort sounds good, but oftentimes it is the one thing that keeps us stuck: stuck in our feelings and emotions, and stuck in relationships. For healing to take place, we need to change our focus and look at what it means to take time to dare and endure.

Then David said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God, even my God, is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the Lord is finished.

1 Chronicles 28:20 (ESV)

And then again in Matthew:

“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

Matthew 14:29-31 (NIV)

These two verses give us a picture of what risking looks like. Daring and enduring requires risk. This is what starting a group is like. Whether you are the one who struggles or the betrayed spouse, it can feel risky to take this first step and join a group. 

When you make the decision to go all in with a group, you are saying to yourself, “I am ready to do whatever it takes for healing at all cost.” And this can feel scary. Opening up to new people about our pain and trauma is not easy. But that's what this process looks like. And we’re not opening up to just anyone—the men and women in the group are on the same healing journey that we’re on. They also feel broken, hurt, and hopeless. We all share this common bond: a bond that many will never understand outside of your group. You will find that we are so much more connected than you realize.

In leading groups over the years, here are a few helpful tips I recommend for those who are new to this recovery and healing journey.

1. Check out the Pure Desire Podcast. Get to know what Pure Desire is all about. If you are brand new and this blog is your first introduction to Pure Desire, or if you have been in a group for a short time, the podcast will help you become more familiar with what we do. Get to know us, get to know what Pure Desire has to offer. The podcast can be a great resource full of information and tools to help you start your healing journey.

2. Call us. Yep, pick up the phone! (I think I just heard everyone gasp for air.) This can be one of the hardest steps you will take in your healing journey. The first step requires the most risk. If you're looking for a group, call us at 503-489-0230 or email us at groups@legacy.puredesire.org. Don’t let the enemy steal any more joy from your life, don’t let him keep his hook in you any longer. This is where you can make the biggest jump. 

Just as David said to Solomon, be strong and courageous and do it. This might be one of the hardest steps, yet one of the most rewarding!

3. Join a local or online group. This is where the healing really begins for you. 

Proverbs 27:17 proclaims: 

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)

Throughout this process, you will often hear that we are wounded in community and we are healed in community. During your group experience, you will discover just how important it is to be in a community where others share the same pain and struggles as you do. 

 If you have been in a group for a few months, you may also want to look into Pure Desire Counseling. We know that those who are engaged in counseling along with the group process experience tremendous success in their healing.

4. Prepare yourself. It’s always good to prepare ahead of time. The group process is about 9-10 months with weekly two hour meetings. So prepare space for yourself by setting aside a day and time not only for the group meeting, but also for the work you’ll need to do outside of the group. This is key. Oftentimes, people show up right as the group begins, and they just finished the homework while sitting in their car. This is not a good space. You need to allow time for the healing process. Working on the homework last minute is not a healthy space. It's focused work and a lot can be missed if you don’t give it the time and space needed. So be sure to really think about and plan what this space looks like for you.

5. Trust. Trust in the process. It’s hard, I know. It's not easy when we have been betrayed or we have betrayed someone. It’s difficult to admit we messed up and difficult to say we’ve been betrayed. I know, I have been on both ends of this. It was hard to trust anyone in my life, because it wasn't safe for me to trust. At least this is what I told myself. After being in a group and learning to trust again, things started to change. It began with trusting in God and forgiving myself for what I had done, and for the people I had hurt. 

I never thought I could forgive myself, but trusted that God had the answers, even though I couldn't see them. Trusting requires risk, and it’s hard. It's not something that happens overnight. Yet God will meet us right where we are, regardless of whether we are on day one of our healing journey, day 90, or day 360. He is there and He is at work.  

I want to leave you with this: YOU ARE SPECIAL, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE CHOSEN by the One and Only. I know you may not feel it right now, but it’s true. God truly loves you. He wants you to experience the hope and freedom that so many have experienced through this process. 

I encourage you to take a few minutes and create some space to close your eyes and listen to this song. Lean back into the arms of the Father and let His healing begin in your life. Pure Desire has the tools to help you get there BUT GOD has the power to heal your heart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT9Gz6JaCPo

Lord, help us to be in relationship with you, help us as we are on this healing journey. Help us to trust You in the process, help us to see ourselves as the way You see us.  God pour down Your Spirit on us now. We need You! 

The views, opinions, and ideas expressed in this blog are those of the author alone and do not reflect an official position of Pure Desire Ministries, except where expressly stated.