4 Tips for Holiday Sobriety

In early November, while driving into town, I was changing the radio station only to find they had already started playing Christmas music. I love Christmas music! In fact, on my iPhone, I've got a couple Christmas albums downloaded that play randomly all through the year. My family laughs at me, but that's another story. 

The other day, the song It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year came on the radio. Yet for many of us, our holiday season can be very difficult. Traveling to see family, breaking our routine, and experiencing emotional triggers and unresolved memories or difficult relationships can all contribute to the challenges we might face with maintaining sobriety. During my recent Seven Pillars of Freedom group, we discussed the following tips that might be helpful during this time of the year.

1. Don't lose perspective.

I will never forget the Christmas season when I was a boy in the 1970s. My uncle, Bill, and his family came to stay at our house. Their motorhome was parked outside and a new friend entered our house that year: it was a hawk with a broken wing. My cousin, Jim, had it in a box and was nursing it back to health. My mom wasn't too excited about having a hawk in a box in the living room. The week of Christmas, late in the night when we were all asleep, my dad went to get a glass of water in the kitchen. He looked out the window and saw someone trying to break into my brother's car. My dad thought for a moment and realized that all the Christmas lights and the nativity set outside were all wired to one switch right next to the window in the kitchen. He slowly opened the window and turned on all the Christmas lights, including the nativity, and yelled, "Shoot ’em Bill, shoot ’em!”

We all awoke to my dad’s yelling. My mother was lying in bed thinking the hawk was flying around the house and my uncle was going to shoot it. The thief who was trying to steal my brother’s car stereo thought there was a sniper hiding in the nativity who was about to unload on him. And Lord only knows what the neighbors thought who heard the commotion and saw my brother running outside in his boxers, chasing the prowler down the street. It’s all about perspective! 

Maintaining a healthy perspective is essential as we face the holiday season. As we’re working through our core beliefs (about ourselves, God, and others) throughout our group, it's important to see that we are worthy of love and respect. For many of us, our addiction has created such shame and a loss of self-respect, which makes it easy to slip back into old cognitive distortions that have been so toxic to our souls. 

Be aware of these thinking errors and maintain proper perspective of your true identity.

2. Learn from last time.

What went right last year and what went wrong? As you reflect on what your holiday season has been throughout the years, you might discover an established pattern that leads you to acting out. 

Being able to talk about it with a group member, sponsor, or counselor beforehand could be very helpful. Just being able to say, “This is what happened to me last year and I want to be better prepared should the situation arise again.” I'm always amazed at the internal fortitude I feel when instead of feeling shame about something, I turn and learn from it, making it a gift to myself by learning from the experience. We’re either winning or learning—we only lose when we stop learning.

3. Have a plan.

Maybe you've heard the old adage, “fail to plan, plan to fail.” This can be very true. I tend to be more focused on relationships than daily routines and I also love spontaneity, so having a plan sounds too structured or restrictive. But I’ve found the opposite is actually true. This is why the “commitment to change” is such a wonderful tool we can lean upon as we enter the holiday season. It can truly focus on self-care, which for me creates self-awareness. This always puts me in a better mindset and creates better focus. 

Whether it's exercising, eating well, drinking more water, meditating, meaningful one-on-one conversations, restricting screen time, sharing highs and lows of your day with your spouse, or daily check-ins with group members—make a plan and work your plan!

4. Start a new tradition.

For many of us, it means taking what used to be a difficult season and transitioning it into a new peaceful season. I was always taken with how the announcement of Christ coming into our world was clothed with the word peace. Yet somehow in our society and world, Christmas does not seem like a time of peace. Let's think about how we can start a new tradition where Christmas truly brings us peace. Peace with God, peace with ourselves, and peace with others! 

Here are a few examples that brought peace to my holiday season:

• Show love and respect to family members, and set a boundary if needed. 
• Write a letter to yourself: celebrating the victories you’ve experienced in your recovery and encouraging the success you’ll have in the coming year. 
• Give the gift of words: write a letter to family members expressing your love and appreciation. I recently found a Christmas gift my sister-in-law gave me, where she put together a small little booklet with pictures and words that expressed how much I meant to her. It was so touching. 
• Own your story by sharing it with a safe person. Sometimes not all of our family knows our story; if the time is right and it’s appropriate, share your story.

One Christmas Eve years ago, my wife, Traci, and I shared my story of addiction and her story of betrayal with our three kids. We did this by wrapping rocks for them and using the Old Testament example of an Ebenezer (1 Samuel 7:12). We created a memory stone of what God had done.

I will never forget sharing our story with our kids. One memory that stands out was when my daughter, Whitney, said to me, "Dad I'm so glad that you saw yourself valuable enough to go get help from a counselor.” These words still bring tears to my eyes today. They helped change my narrative and brought me peace. 

Whatever you’re facing this Christmas season, you are worthy of love! I pray it would be a time to make adjustments, set a new trajectory on your healing journey, and a season filled with sobriety, love, hope, and peace.

The views, opinions, and ideas expressed in this blog are those of the author alone and do not reflect an official position of Pure Desire Ministries, except where expressly stated.