A teenage son who was abused as a four year-old confesses abusing a younger relative. Here is the testimony of this man (Rich) as an adult now, and his mother, and the healing power of Pure Desire Ministry. They are speaking in the Sunday morning service at East Hill Foursquare Church.

(Mom) Eleven years ago we learned that Rich had been sexually abused by a family member at the age of four. That explained his anger growing up and his increased involvement with pornography. In his teens he sexually abused a family member. This disclosure would change our lives drastically. Rich was great at hiding behind his stature (6’5”). He could put on a smile and say that everything was great, and people would believe him. He knew he was not being honest, but his life was spinning out of control.

(Rich) When I was four I was sexually abused. Growing up I tried to forget it, but could not. As I got older I wanted many times to disclose this, but always stopped short of telling the secret. I was ashamed and scared. As I got older I started to excel in sports, and it became clear this was a way I could deal with all the pain. When I was pitching no one could touch me, I had control. At least that was what I told myself. I started struggling with fantasies in the 7th and 8th grade. When I was a freshman in high school it was extremely hard. I was struggling, sexually. Eventually, I did the same thing that was done to me. I abused a family member. I was not sure what to think after it happened. I remember feeling extremely scared, nervous, and ashamed, but my fantasy life was out of control. It had more power over me than doing the right thing. I kept telling myself I needed help. I knew what they did to people like me. I wore a mask so no one could see the real me and I continued living in fear and shame. When I confessed I was relieved and anxious. I wanted to run but knew I needed to stay, and go through the consequences that would eventually come.

(Mom) I felt like God was very far away. The more I prayed, the more the enemy tried to convince me it would never change. I remember my husband saying that hell wanted our family. That despair was the tool of the enemy and we would win this battle because God was on our side. I wanted to believe but felt only emptiness. I was battle weary. The future was so uncertain. I didn’t want to face the fact what people would be saying about my son. I was so filled with anger and shame, not only towards Rich, but with myself. I felt like I must have missed seeing warning signs. I felt the sorrow of watching the victim go through difficult times of healing and counseling and the family trying to deal with the up and down emotional roller coaster. We started going through the stages of grieving. Even though it didn’t feel like it, the healing process was beginning. God blessed us with a strong support system that has been with us through this journey of healing. They have prayed for our family from the very beginning and have been Rich’s support team also. There were times we didn’t know where to turn, but God always provided someone to stand with us to give us strength when we couldn’t take another step.

(Rich) I have spent the last ten years on probation, going through numerous evaluations, outpatient counseling, and polygraphs. I have had supervision and learned how to be accountable for each step of my life. I no longer have a secret life. I am an open book to my FMO group, my wife, my church family, and family. It goes without saying that this wasn’t easy. I went through a divorce, and had supervised visitations with my children at my parent’s home. I do not coach sports anymore. If I went anyplace where there were children I always had to have a supervisor with me. But with the restrictions God has blessed me. He brought me a new wife that genuinely loves me after knowing all my stuff. I am working to restore my relationship with my family, and being the kind of father my children can be proud of. During this time God began to reveal his plan for me. I continued getting personal counseling outside of East Hill Church and started in a For Men Only group. I have been in an FMO group for years, and now I am co-leading a group. The most important thing I have learned is to be transparent. It opened the door for the Holy Spirit to move in my life, and to be able to help others. When I have shared in FMO I think, “Man, this could be risky,” then I realize I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You see, God saw something in me all along. He never gave up on me, even when I felt like a nobody.

(Mom) The pain of walking through the healing process has been difficult, not only for Rich, but for the victim as well, and the family. I have seen and felt the extreme pain, but have also witnessed the miracles. The miracle of Rich having a new wife who would support him through this difficult time and bring a peace to his life he never had. Seeing the miracle of what forgiveness can do in our family. Rich’s relationship with the victim restored, and family members as well. I know our family will never be what it once was, but I also know what the enemy meant to destroy us with, God uses and will continue to use for His Glory. We are stronger today because we have gone through the difficult storms and allowed God to change all of us. Rich and I have been strengthened as we minister to others who are walking where our family continues to walk in regards to sexual addiction. We see the miracle and tremendous hope of what God has done and continues to do. Being able to encourage others is walking in that healing. We have been to the depths of despair, but we have seen God change our lives and our hearts. It is not only Rich who has changed, but all of us. Rich are I share the same passion for the Pure Desire Ministry for sexual addiction. We didn’t realize how prophetic 2 Cor.1-4 (Msg) would be for us: “He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.” We have experienced that comfort first hand and have been able to comfort others as the Lord has placed us in this ministry.

(Rich) Mom and I are risking all to stand here and share with you, but we know God has called us in this ministry. Because of men like Pastor Harry Flanagan who have spoken into my life, I have grasped what God says about me has been true all along. I am forgiven and it is by His grace that I am up here speaking to you. Harry once told me I was a hero. Hearing that brought tears to my eyes, because I never felt that way. See, Harry spoke into my life like so many others have over years, but it was then that God brought me to an understanding. I had to walk through the consequences of my actions, but God was by my side the entire time. I know I have not gotten to this place on my own. God has truly done a miracle in our lives. My family’s prayer and support, the victim’s prayers for me, and the awesome men that walked beside me have all encouraged me and given me hope. We are all warriors who continue to fight side by side everyday. Men all around the world are fighting a battle they can’t fight alone. 2 Chronicles 20:15 The Lord says, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” We may not fight an enemy army but every day we battle temptation and the pressures from this world. As men, we have to get together and train for the battle. Thank you Pastor Ted Roberts for being such a great leader. A man who continues to step out in faith, who prays for us, and stands up here week after week and is transparent with his own struggles. I believe the men of East Hill have a unique calling. A commitment to one another and the church to get the help we need. In closing I would like to thank you for giving us this opportunity to share a brief part of who we are. God has spread His grace over me and is washing me clean. I have come far, and continue in the healing that He has for me. I am a new creation in Christ and if you are struggling with sexual addiction, you can be to. Don’t be afraid to become transparent. You have nothing to lose; and everything to gain in HIM. My mother and I thank you.

    DESIGNED BY PLAINJOE STUDIOS © 2008 PURE DESIRE     


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